A mother’s heart and some changes:
Oh gosh. Today is a big day. I’m standing by the front door having just sent 2 of my 3 children to full day school today, and I just can’t get a grip on how I feel about this.There is one (really adorable) one left. But just one. Not as noisy and crazy, and I’m finding it rather like being naked in a way.
Part of me is so ready. Last year, I spent most of the day back and forth in the car between full day school, and part day kindergarten, and between that and regular mommy stuff, I couldn’t get 2 seconds to myself during the day. Forced to start my work at 8pm, I was exhausted. Plain beat. I don’t do well on little sleep, and that’s all I could get last year. And the year before that! And…well, you get the idea. We’re full speed at this house:)
This year, with both children in school all day, I just have Ella at home which will free me up considerably (and she’s even starting preschool…so this is a huge change!). It will be good to spend time with just the baby. Although, she’s not so baby anymore!
So, I don’t plan on working nights like I have the past 4 years. It will also mean I can get the gym, lose the weight I’ve gained from the past couple years of no sleep, and get a working day rhythm. I’m really looking forward to that! Illustrating and working in the daylight hours? That’s gonna be weird.
But not working when the kids are home has been my goal. That doesn’t always happen, especially in the summer, but I really try and just be “home” when they are. With work becoming more and more important for us to sustain, this change really does come at the perfect time! But, oh it really has always been a conflict for me. I love doing what I do, but deadlines drive this industry and it can often make for a stressed out Mommy. So a quieter house will be a welcomed guest.
….at the same time, I’m feeling so lonely. We’ve been together, the 5 of us, ALL SUMMER and man we have had so much fun. They are my muses. We spent 6 weeks on the East Coast at my parents house, with no other playmates but each other. It was amazing. And now it’s going to be really quiet. Do I really have kids old enough to leave home for 7 hours a day? I’m starting to see the wrinkles in my face already:) Gosh, a Mother’s heart is so complex, isn’t it!
Bottom line, I’m going to miss having everyone home all the time, but I do love creative projects. And it will be VERY good for me to really work without the guilt of squeezing in time when they don’t notice, or staying up super late. I really want to build this little space that I’ve created in Sarah Jane, and I’m ready to hit the drawing board. I’ve got a lot of really great opportunities and ideas, but with this new start, I also want to hear from YOU!
What would YOU like to see this year at Sarah Jane? I’ve got more time carved out, and while it’s never big enough for the dreams in my head, I really would love to hear your wishes and ideas too.
So are you ready? Ready for a great new year here in the studio? I’m going to be posting a survey where you can share your ideas with me. I’ll probably have it up sometime in the next 24 hours, but I wanted to give you a heads up so you can be thinking. I really want to consider the wishes that you have!
So stay tuned, and know that if there are any other mothers out there with that first week of school mother heart syndrome, I’m with you. All the way. Now to get busy making fun and pretty things for them to ease my Mother Heart.